Jonas has decided to start biting again! He bit one kid when he was one and the kid screamed os loudly he never bit another kid again. Now, out of nowhere, he bites his friend! I am so skeeved. He had a time out the first time, then an hour later he tried to bite him again! He is in serious time out.

If you decided to come meet me at the local McDonald's PlayPlace how could you recognize my child? Oh, he'll be the one covered in blood, zooming through the various tunnels and slides dripping type A negative to mark his path. Don't worry, I'm pretty sure it is clean blood, hepatitis and HIV free (I haven't caught him sharing needles or engaging in unsafe sex lately). I'll be the mother standing helplessly with a wet wipe hoping to get him cleaned up, but unable to catch him.

Jonas has been getting bloody noses again. He had one yesterday and another today. Once he gets one he bleeds off and on for a month. I have no idea why. Sometimes he actually gets bumped and sometimes they are completely spontaneous. Today's event caught me totally off guard. He came down from the tunnels to eat some french fries when I noticed he had blood all over his arm. I started cleaning him up, trying to figure out if he had picked a scab or cut himself somehow, but I couldn't find the source of the blood until he used his arm as a Kleenex again and wiped his nasty, dripping schnoz. As soon as I went to help his nose, which had mostly bled out while he was playing, he zoomed away from me and went back up into the maze of tunnels. Bloody noses don't phase Jonas a bit. They are only a minor irritation and only because I usually interrupt whatever he is doing to clean him up.

I have never had a bloody nose. I am pretty sure he got this from his dad. Chris gets bloody noses at random and, like his son, barely notices. I always notice! Imagine being a young bride, waking up in the morning and looking over at your new husband who is laying in the bed next to you, drenched in his own blood. I swear I though he was dead. At any rate he ruined our sheets.

The first time Jonas got a bloody nose he was about twenty months old. I wasn't home. Chris said Jonas tripped, landed on his face, and started to bleed. Better Chris dealing with it than me I figured. I had no idea what to do for a nosebleed, having never had one myself.

The following day marked one of the darkest days in my career as a mother. I was pregnant, very sick, running on almost no sleep, and Jonas had woken me up by taking off his diaper and tracking poop all over the cream carpet. He then started to throw huge tantrums. After about two hours of these colossal meltdowns interspersed with trips to the bathroom so I could vomit up the lining of my empty stomach, I cupped my hand over his screaming little mouth in a desperate attempt to get him to shut up. In retrospect, I didn't do this too hard. I certainly didn't smack him a smack worthy of any real concern, but I did aim just a wee bit too high. I bumped his nose. His sensitive little nose, with barely closed off, thin as phyllo dough veins and capillaries. Instantly it started bleeding like I'd turned on a faucet. I couldn't believe it. I had given my child, my dear little baby boy, a bloody nose. I was unfit to be a mother. I had no idea how to fix a bloody nose. I was ready to call CPS on myself.

He was dripping blood all over himself, the carpet, me and my bed. And screaming. Not because of the blood, but because he wasn't finished with the previous fit of temper. I grabbed a roll of toilet paper and tried to stem the bleeding. Was it tip the head forward or tip the head back? What exactly was I supposed to pinch? Which position would make him choke on the blood and die? Which one would make him swallow the blood and throw it up? Even if I did stumble upon the correct blood stopping stance was there any way to get him to stay in that position? Was there anything I could do to make the bleeding stop? I was literally sitting on the floor shaking, trying to deal with the blood and the guilt of having caused it, and the morning sickness that was making me dry heave every time I looked at him.

I really believe that God isn't going to give you more than you can handle. He knows your limits. And I was at mine. At this moment, Chris walked in the door. He was home for lunch. It was a totally off schedule lunch. He rarely came home to eat. But there he was. My knight in shining camouflage.

He took Jonas, had the blood stopped in a matter of seconds and listened to me sob and confess that I was a horrible mother. I had made our child bleed his own blood. He gently explained to me that it doesn't take much to start a bloody nose bleeding again.

He was right. I think Jonas had about six more bloody noses in the next four days. Each time I became more blasé toward the entire situation. Now when he starts bleeding, I just strip him down, toss him in the tub and figure as long as he doesn't pass out he's probably fine. I've come along way, baby.

Well, Janine tagged me so I figured I'd best humor her. . .I'm not sure if it will be interesting or not. I don't read nearly as much as I used to and when I do I tend to favor mindless stuff and children's books.
1. What book would I like to be?
That is an odd question! I would like to be Max in Where the Wild Things Are. Commander and cheif of my own fantasy world, and them still able to return home to people who love me. I could have a wild rumpus whenever I felt like it too. Can't beat that now can I?

2. Have I ever had a crush on a fictional character?
I guess that would have to be Colonel Christopher Brandon in Sense and Sensibility. Desperately devoted, patient and madly in love. A sad figure, yet ultimately triumphant. If anyone deserved to be lucky in love it was Colonel Brandon. Cyrano DeBergerac warmed my heart too. Homely chap with words to melt a woman's heart.

3. What is the last book I bought?
The Time Traveler's Wife, which was exceptional in every way. Absolutely a must read. And The Secret Life of Bees, which I really don't understand what the fuss was all about. I found it dull and I thought the writer strained to make her point and just generally tried too hard.

4. What is the last book I read?
I think it was More More More Said the Baby. . .Ohhh- you mean read for myself. . . I plowed through the latest Harry Potter book in the tub the other day. It is probably my sixth time through, but I enjoyed it. It is nice and fluffy, no real thought required. I am dealing with so much sleep deprivation and have so much on my plate these days that I really have no desire to read anything that is going to try to make me think. I used to read deep, meaningful, classic pieces of literature like The Awakening and The Great Gatsby (I was an English major you know), but now I read mostly periodicals and light reading. Oh, wait! I lied! I just remembered I read the book You Grow Girl at Barnes & Noble Saturday night. It's a gardening book. Pretty good. Useful.

5. What book am I currently reading.
Nothing right now. I'm working on a quilt and it is taking up my spare time.

6. What five books would I take with me if I was stranded on a desert island?
hmmm. . .Edible Plants and Fungi, Cooking Over an Open Flame, How to Build a Raft Out of Debris. . .Ok, ok , I know what you mean.

To Kill a Mockingbird ('nuff said), Quest for a Maid (wonderfulwonderfulwonderful READ IT), Collected works of Willa Cather (That way I get My Antonia and Oh Pioneers in one shot), Collected works of Erma Bombeck (she is so totally my hero), and the Holy Scriptures.

7. Tag, You're it. . .hmmmm. . .Mom???

We visited the Botanical Gardens in San Francisco today. There are hundreds of gopher mounds on the boulevard where we parked the car. This little guy was hardly even afraid of us. He would pop out, poke around a bit, stuff some greenery into his humongous cheekage and dart back into the ground. He didn't seem to care that I was quite literally inches away with my camera. Seriously people, I didn't even use my zoom! The little guy didn't have a very well developed sense of self preservation. He did, however, get pretty mad when Jonas shoved his hand down his hole to catch him. He shoved a bunch of dirt up and burrowed away. Good thing too, I really wasn't in the mood for rabies shots. . .or whatever gophers give you.

The trouble with not really having a lot of control or awareness over your body is that when you grab the shock of hair right over your fontanell and pull really, really hard and start screaming, you don't understand that you are causing yourself pain, so you don't think to let go. You just pull harder until mom has to force your chubby little fist open so you stop pulling your own hair. Poor Maggie!

Maggie was starting to fuss in her swing a few minutes ago. I wanted to keep playing on the computer (selfish mommy!), and nothing was expressly wrong with my offspring, so I raised my left hand in the air and snapped my fingers.

The baby laughed! She grinned and gurgled appreciatively as if to say, "Gee my mom knows me. She just knew that nothing in the world would make me happier right this very instant than to see snapping fingers!"

I stopped and about a minute later she yelled in boredom again. "I want to get out of this confounded swing! Once again, I raised my hand and snapped.

"What's that you say? Fingers, huh. And they snap. That is so cool. Wait! What was I fussing about? Oh. . . I can't remember. . .but look- fingers!"

Five minutes go by. Child fusses. Mother snaps. Problem solved.

In the words of Paul Reiser, "Congratulations, you have momentarily outwitted an infant!"

100 things. . .because everybody’s doing it!

1. I am five foot three and 3/4th inches tall.
2. My favorite thing that I own is my Canon Digital Rebel It rocks!
3. I have two children.
4. I hate being pregnant.
5. I spend a lot of time at Barnes & Noble.
6. I love lefse.
7. My Gramma makes the world's best lefse.
8. I am 51% Norwegian.
9. I have been happily married for almost four years.
10. I am originally from North Dakota.
11. I was an English major.
12. I used to sing and dance in a show choir. I've performed at Disney World.
13. I am a published scrapbooker.
14. I have been scrapbooking for 13 years.
15. I am LDS.
16. I am an oldest child.
17. I attended four years of seminary and two years of religious institute.
18. My favorite holiday is Thanksgiving.
19. I love Easter candy the best.
20. I am an Air Force wife.
21. I am not a patient person. Not even a little bit.
22. I love to garden.
23. I love to eat; but I don't enjoy cooking.
24. I rolled in a car 3.5 times and walked away unscathed ( I was not driving).
25. I have never been pulled over (even though I deserve it).
26. I played the guitar before my son was born.
27. I am a Scorpio.
28. I take a lot of pictures.
29. I love Diet Coke w/ Lime.
30. I would prefer to eat at Burger King, but McDonald's has better Happy Meal toys.
31. I adore Mexican food. I would eat it every day if I could.
32. I need a lot of me time or I'm not a very good mother.
33. I worked at a Balloon store. We decorated events. My boss would drink on the job.
34. I got married when I was 19.
35. No regrets.
36. I volunteered at a nursing home for 6 years.
37. I love elderly people.
38. I have very vivid dreams.
39. I enjoy sewing, but I'm not very good at it.
40. I don't like ice in my drinks.
41. I frequently escape to the bathtub and take long hot baths.
42. I read in the bathtub.
43. I used to tutor English.
44. I had an epidural with Jonas.
45. The epidural didn't work at all with Maggie so that was natural.
46. Labor wasn't so bad. Delivery was horrid.
47. I breastfed both kids.
48. I think co-sleeping is a good thing.
49. I do not believe in abortion as a means of birth control. But I think there are circumstances where it is ok (rape, incest, life of mother in danger.)
50. I believe in being responsible.
51. Flies gross me out.
52. I like cows.
53. I can drive an automatic or a clutch.
54. I drove 100 mph once. I drive 80mph frequently.
55. I get more nervous driving in rain than in snow.
56. I think guacamole is wonderful.
57. I love old movies.
58. I have very eclectic taste in music.
59. I scare easily.
60. I don't watch scary movies for that reason.
61. I have a working knowldege of how to find my way around San Francisco.
62. I have no sense of direction.
63. I hate it when people whistle.
64. I also hate it when people are late or when I am late. That is my biggest pet peeve.
65. I like to go camping, but I don't get to very often.
66. Whenever I move somewhere I try to learn the names of the local flora.
67. It makes me feel at home.
68. The only place that I have disliked living or visiting is Texas.
69. I get along better with people much older than me than with my peers.
70. I was married in Manti, UT. Here.
71. Horses are beautiful, but they make me nervous.
72. I had a 4-wheeler flip over on top of me.
73. I got 5 scholarships when I went to college.
74. I played Chava in Fiddler on the Roof.
75. I hated the dating scene.
76. I have been in the ocean surrounded by jellyfish.
77. I didn't get stung because I was clinging to life on top of a boogie board.
78. Both of my children were planned pregnancies.
79. I had a barracuda swim so close to me he brushed by my belly.
80. I don't go swimming in the ocean much because weird stuff seems to happen to me.
81. I like the color green because it goes with everything.
82. I like lavender the best though.
83. I have a lot of Pampered Chef stuff.
84. I hate math.
85. I think most of the stuff you learn in High School is useless.
86. I love to read, but I don't get to very often.
87. I really enjoy Willa Cather and Zora Neale Hurston. And Harry Potter books.
88. I think Alan Rickman is hot.
89. I like Oscar the Grouch.
90. Elmo bugs me.
91. My daughter looks just like me. My son looks like my husband.
92. I have a younger brother and sister. They don't update much.
93. I like to talk.
94. I spent 7 weeks in the hospital when I was expecting my son.
95. Both my babies were preemies, but healthy.
96. I can't carry a baby past 30 weeks w/o medical intervention.
97. I love chocolate and eat it every day.
98. I wear contacts. I'm just about blind w/o them.
99. I never feel my age. I always feel about fourty something or about twelve.
100. This list took me an hour and a half!